Mark and Grace Driscoll of Mars Hill write on marriage and sexuality
The Driscolls of Mars Hill Church in Seattle have been a spark for controversy in the past few years.
According to online Christian bloggers, as well as CNN and the New York Times, targets of criticism have been Mark’s message that men must fit a “macho” stereotype and the way his wife stares at him obediently during their joint talks to their congregation and vast YouTube audience as if waiting for a command to perform diligently.
The newest controversy in the evangelical Christian sphere seems to be the Driscolls’ new book, “Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship and Life Together,” and there are valid reasons for the uproar.
The book essentially has two parts.
The first half is about the friendship in marriage and how it plays a crucial role to the relationship’s success and dynamics. They go on to talk about how to handle past sexual abuse and talk very transparently on how marriage should be rooted in God’s will.
The other half is a manual on the sex lives of Christian married couples, featuring a chapter called “Can we _____ ?” discussing all of the genres of sex a Christian couple can participate in with biblical text to back it up.
While some have praised the couple for their openness in the first half of the novel, many have found it unsettling (according to dennyburk.com), especially the detailed story on Grace’s premarital affair at the age of 18 and Mark’s reaction of dismay to the point where he says, “Had I known about this sin, I would not have married her.”
Though the first half of the book strives to go in some positive direction, I think most are probably left scarred by the obvious egocentrism Mark has towards their relationship and sex life.
The second half of the book is filled with tons of controversial viewpoints.
For example, being “a visually generous spouse” and working out to stay in top shape for your husband are the standard for a married Christian woman, according to Mark. He blames his wife for his depression during the beginning of their marriage due to the lack of sex she allowed.
Essentially a wife’s role goes from a friend with benefits, as we saw in the beginning of the book, to a sexual servant.
By the end we get lost in the story of Mark’s obsession with sex and his die-hard passion for making women the subordinate gender.
But Mark is not the only one pushing this agenda.
His submissive-by-God’s-command wife seems to be on board using Esther as “the great example” of a wife submitting to her husband when she does not barge into King Xerxes’ chamber and “politely” waits outside until he asks her to come in.
This would be a valid view of the 1950s housewife archetypes if Esther’s life were not at stake by “barging” into said chamber.
Although many people find the book disconcerting, some have found more positive attributes in the Driscolls’ ministry.
Summer Van Dam has been attending Mars Hill Church for the past five years and is currently in the process of becoming a member. From her experience she does not share the same viewpoint on the Driscolls’ and Mars Hill that many bloggers have developed.
“I have never attended a church like Mars Hill before. It is truly a church that is ‘all about Jesus,’” Van Dam said. “The teaching is completely biblically-based and Christ-centered. I’ve also never seen a group of people who are so on mission to teach others about Jesus and live out their daily lives as Christians.”
Van Dam is currently halfway through the book and has only positive feedback on what she has come across: “From what I’ve read, the book provides a very honest and relevant look at marriages.”
Seattle Pacific University student Alexandra Messinger was unpleasantly surprised when she visited Mars Hill Church seeking a church to go to while attending school.
“I had heard good things about it from a friend,” Messinger said. “I went to the college group, and the leader just kept quoting him, saying pastor Mark says this and pastor Mark says that. It was kind of unsettling.”
Whether you agree or disagree with the Driscoll’s perspective on marriage and sex, the book is still one of the most jaw-dropping books that a pastor and wife have written on these topics since the early ‘90s.
I believe it is not an ill-formed prediction to say Mars Hill and their star pastor will be in the limelight for a while longer if they keep providing this type of propaganda.
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Megan Laber is a junior journalism major. She is from Visalia, Calif. and loves discovering new music, hiking and being spontaneous. She plans to travel all over the world and share God’s love to those she meets.
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