Online Exclusive: Getting Closer Miles Apart

By Chelsea Johnson, staff writer | English

Think “Sleepless in Seattle” with a modern twist. Recent developments in technology have changed the world of dating, and specifically, long distance relationships, by allowing them to function. According to the Communication Research journal, up to half of college students are in long-distance relationships and three-fourths will have been in one at some point.

Maintaining long distance relationships through Skype isn't always the easier (Photo by Jon Dickson).

Between Skype, FaceTime, Facebook, Myspace, texting, phone calls, e-mailing, Twitter, and more, has technology taken over our relationships, or simply enabled dating from afar?

Azusa Pacific University junior art major Miyuki Sarah has never been in a relationship with someone living within fifty miles of her. Miyuki and her boyfriend have dated for 21 months. During that time, they have spent seven of those months on different continents and the rest at least sixty miles away. Even with the distance, they plan to get married after graduation. So what’s their secret?

“You definitely have to tell each other about what’s going on in your life, like, in detail,” said Miyuki. “Even if they can’t understand.”

Distance isn’t the only challenge for this couple. Miyuki is from Japan and her boyfriend Graham, lives in Torrance, Calif.

“It makes things different because you’re experiencing things they have never experienced before,” said Miyuki. “They can’t even comprehend it, but it’s important to still tell them about it and for them to listen and try to understand.”

An even bigger challenge for the couple is that they can’t text for months at a time, during summer break when Miyuki returns to Japan. International texting fees can end up costing hundreds of dollars. Sending an international text with AT&T from the U.S. costs $0.25 per text. If you get a reply, that will be an additional $0.20. Furthermore, be careful not to go over those pesky character limits!

Because of the high costs of texting, Miyuki and her boyfriend talk nearly every day via e-mail, and through short phone calls about twice a week while she’s in Japan. Miyuki considers the instant connection of modern technology as elemental to their relationship.

“It wouldn’t happen,” said Miyuki. “Our culture is too fast paced to do it by letters, especially on the other side of the world.”

Freshman psychology major Sam Kendrick, from Las Vegas, doesn’t have to travel quite as far to see her beau. In fact, they are a quick 50-minute plane flight away. That is, if one has that kind of cash to drop.

Sam and her boyfriend have been dating for nine months and are just beginning the long-distance portion of their relationship. They have been apart nearly seven weeks and are still learning what works best for them.

Constant connection is key for Sam. They try to text on and off during the day and video chat via FaceTime a couple times a week. Keeping in touch is a commitment, which Kendrick sees playing a part in her other involvement on campus. This includes living in the freshman dorms.

“I’m probably less social in my hall because if they’re all out mingling and I’m on the phone, I’m not with them,” said Kendrick. “I’m trying to work on it. I’m trying to balance it. But he’s like trying to talk to me all the time.”

Sam’s boyfriend is a year behind her in school. She says that it’s been difficult adjusting because he doesn’t understand the time demands of college and the stress of moving away. What helps to buffer the separation anxiety? Pictures. Sam says that sending pictures of her studying or hanging out with friends makes a big difference.

“I send him a picture of myself, like my face, because guys like seeing you,” said Kendrick. “[I’ll send] a picture of what I look like today, or what I’m doing.”

Junior Psychology major, Karissa Thomas, and her boyfriend Phil met and began dating as freshmen at APU. During their first summer apart, with Karissa in Portland, Ore and Phil in the Bay Area, they learned quickly how to stay in touch. They texted and Skyped, but mostly stayed connected through phone calls. They also visited each other in person, which included a ten-hour road trip. However, when Karissa studied abroad in South Africa this past spring, the regular ways of staying in touch became impossible.

While abroad in South Africa, Karissa no longer had access to her cell phone and had unreliable Internet connection. They quickly had to adjust to speaking only once or twice a week.

“Most of our communication was e-mailing, which was definitely something I had to get use to,” said Karissa. “Not hearing each other’s voice very often and just like, how delayed it was because of the time difference [was hard]. We would have certain days and times where we would plan on Skyping.”

In addition to communication challenges abroad, going away to South Africa is often a major transformation for students. Sometimes people change and grow apart from their partners. But for Karissa and Phil, they were able to grow closer, a continent apart.

“Having him alongside this year, yes there was distance, [but] seeing his growth in his life has really helped mine to flourish too,” said Karissa. “Things that he’s dealing with are challenging me and vise versa.”

Looking outside of APU, eHarmony.com provided some testimonials of couples who had met online and continued to make it work from afar. Chris and Rachel met on eHarmony.com after both finding little dating success in their hometowns of Hot Springs, Ark. and Richmond, Va. They started out communicating through online chatting and multiple games of virtual chess. After a few weeks of talking, they decided that the 1,000-mile difference didn’t matter, and began video chatting. After several months of dating and alternating plane flights back and forth, they got engaged. What’s their advice for others trying to make long distance relationships work? “Just open your heart and mind to all the possibilities and do not let distance be a factor.”

If you’re looking for a way to connect beyond video chat or texting, apps like Words With Friends and Scrabble have chat options. Who says long distance can’t be a little competitive?

Whether you’re an hour apart or continents away, 21st century technology is helping to enable relationships that couldn’t work before. Already dating someone nearby? Think about the ways that you can use Skype, texting, e-mails, and various apps to reconnect with lost friends. You never know what will happen.

Photo caption: Maintaining long distance relationships through Skype isn’t always the easier (Photo by Jon Dickson).