Redefining the Real Deal

 

From physical to behavioral expectations, society continually attempts to redefine the roles for men and women. The media also bombards us with differing social perceptions of manliness and womanhood. But how are these pressures affecting Azusa Pacific students and what does it look like to be men and women of Christ? Two reporters dive into the realm of their opposite gender to discover how students are redefining stereotypes.

MEN

by Chelsea Johnson, staff writer | English major

Be a man. Don’t let people know how you feel. Always be brave, strong, and courageous. Watch out for number one. Do these sayings sound familiar? Gender stereotypes and expectations run deep. What does it mean to be a real man? APU men are redefining these stereotypes and what manhood can mean.

Senior marketing major and Smith Hall Resident Advisor Sean Rollolazo talked about the pressures men face today.

“A lot has to do with appearance…looking like a man, looking muscular, always having a reason to have your shirt off,” Rollolazo said.

Smith Hall has notoriously been known as the “manly dorm,” but there is more to manhood than muscles and sports-related stigmas. We may scoff at APU’s ‘no shirtless men’ rule, but in reality, rules like these are helping to reinforce the idea of character and personhood defining identity rather than appearance.

Rollolazo said that by playing into the role that society expects of us, we lose part of our identity.

“We think we are being men by doing these things, but in it, we kill parts of ourselves to be this,” said Rollolazo. “We are hiding our natural selves to be this man.”

Greg Dolmage, the new Resident Director of Smith Hall, discussed the pressure of always being the best and the aspect of competition among some men.

“[Among] men in general, one of the primary pressures is figuring out who you are and what your purpose is,” Dolmage said. “Tied with that is a pressure to perform well in whatever you do, a pressure to live up to what we see through media and TV.”

Dolmage talked about how a sense of responsibility comes with being a man.  “Responsibility is another huge aspect of being a man,” Dolmage said. So what should this look like?

“Responsibility includes that when we screw up, we admit to it,” said Dolmage. “That we can go into a situation and fail and still move forward, that failure is an option.”

Shire East Resident Director Ronnie McGee discussed how he’s seen many young men struggle with the balance between masculine identity and acceptance.

“Many of them come into this school with a broken sense of what masculinity and manhood is and what your role is as a male on this campus,” McGee said.

He talked about the tendency for men to ‘love’ each other by tearing each other down. Those who don’t participate are often considered outsiders, according to McGee.

But where is this coming from?

“There is an epidemic of guys comparing themselves to what’s perceived as the cool guys in the dorm—the popular, extroverted, loud, just crazy mentality,” McGee said.

Instead of spending four years of college trying to find their own identities, the pressure of being accepted and fitting the socially approved mold of ‘what a real man is’ takes precedence. McGee explained that men are constantly battling the balance of widely accepted social expectations and ultimately, the fear of truly knowing themselves.

A ‘real man,’ or a man of worth, is firm but gentle.

“Men should be able to stand up and be accountable for the things we say and the things we do,” said McGee. “But I think as men, we need to embrace this role.”

So forget what you see on TV and the stigma of a ‘real man.’ Men are defined by far more than muscles and grit. When asked where men should ultimately root their identities, the answer was unanimous across the board: true identity is found in Christ.

WOMEN

by Caleb Dennis, staff writer | Journalism major

Be ladylike. Stop being so emotional. Always be quiet, sweet, and serve others. Do these sound familiar? Whether you are reading a magazine, watching movies, listening to music, or just walking around in public, you’re surrounded by one of the most influential voices: the media industry and its often unrealistic portrayal of women.

Imran Siddiquee currently works as the Social Media and Communications Manager for “Miss Representation,” a documentary that addresses identity issues caused by gender portrayal in the mass media. The documentary was featured at the 2011 Sundance Film Festival, as well as on the Oprah Winfrey Network. The Women’s Resource Center also hosted two documentary screenings on campus.

Siddiquee has a major passion for feminist issues and the cultural representation of women. This issue exists in values, according to Siddiquee.

“The media only really values women for their sexuality, youth, and [outer] beauty, and this certainly puts unfair pressure on women in the real world,” Siddiquee said.

These three factors create a false representation of what it means to be a woman, which are often digitally distorted.

“Technology makes it possible to look like something you’re not, but it shouldn’t be the basis for anything because these images are fake,” Siddiquee said.

He believes that another influencing factor is a lack of women’s voice. According to the National Organization for Women (NOW), only six percent of the current market is owned and controlled by women, and only one in four hires in the communications world are to women.

“The point is that we aren’t hearing everyone,” said Siddiquee.

Whatever the case, media images are not the only problem.

“I don’t think that inherently media images are bad—it’s what we do with them,” said Elaine Walton, a professional psychologist at APU.

Walton works primarily with the empowerment of women. She focuses on issues such as domestic violence, relationship concerns and women’s issues.

Walton believes that from an early age, women identify and base their identities off of role models, such as parents and other family members. But as they get older and change, those influences also have to change. She believes that positive role models can be found in a college environment like APU.

“At this stage in life, women have the access to women from all different places in the career world that are there to serve as these mentors of real life,” Walton said.

Without redirecting one’s gaze from false influences, Walton described that culture essentially works like a ‘vacuum.’

“It is easy to suck up unproductive and unhealthy things, especially because at this age, women are finding their identity [as an adult], said Walton. “Because of that, finding these role models to help them is so crucial.”

Brittany Van Eck, a graduate student in the APU College Counseling and Student Development program, believes that discovering self is important, but often ignored.

“Women need to explore what exactly it is that they are passionate about, and they aren’t often asked to do that,” said Van Eck.

There is nothing wrong with being quiet, sweet, and serving others, just as there is nothing wrong with their opposites. But the reason why women make these decisions is important.

“One stereotype that exists is that being a stay-at-home mom is an escape, but it‘s all about being who you want to be and knowing why,” Van Eck said.

So forget what the mass media tells you about women. They are not purely sexual, and they are not defined by a mold made through unrealistic stereotypes. Real women find identity separate from the media’s idea of who they should be.

Students chime in on what they think makes a real man and woman:

“His honor, his respect, how he conducts his life–that’s what makes a man.” -Zach Johnston, sophomore business major

“What makes a real man is…a level of self-control and a level of persistence and drive and commitment. With that commitment comes self-control, and being able to prioritize and put other things in front of our own desires.” -Dave Darbonne, junior sociology major

“My identity isn’t found in being a ‘girl’, rather, in being a human being. I find it through friends, family, and life situations I go through.” -Amy Stadeli, junior nursing major

“I personally find it exhausting, reading the cliches about what a woman should be and how she should carry themselves, but still I follow them. In accordance with scripture, a woman should be trustworthy, diligent, generous, wise in her actions and words, carry herself with dignity, hard-working and obedient to what Christ calls her to do and to be.” Annette Hoersting, Sophomore global studies major