As the unknowing freshman or new transfer student steps foot onto APU’s campus and looks around they find a new hope—beautiful, Christian girls abound.
Consequently, they proceed to get to know them with hopes of dating just to date, seek out their future spouse or whatever lies in between. Regardless of a guy’s motivation, the mindset is generally along the lines of “I want to get to know people,” or, “I want to get to know people and find a girlfriend.” After a while, the new male student quickly realizes that getting to know an APU girl is fairly easy. The difficulty lies in seeking clarity within the relationship concerning what it is exactly. His resolve may be shaken, but he carries on and hope remains.
At APU, things are said between guys and girls in friendly settings or even early on in relationships that should be reserved for more intimate settings. These topics of discussion range from relationship history and faith journey/struggles to marriage—and as a consequence the new or unfamiliar male student can often be “led on” without knowing that what he just engaged in was just a normal APU conversation. Male and female interactions at APU are different between interactions in places outside the four walls of Cougarland. If confidence is what girls like, then authenticity is what guys are attracted to. A lot of discrepancies and confusion regarding relational feelings between guys and girls would be resolved if girls were “straight up” with guys.
Oddly enough, phrases such as “I’m not looking for a relationship right now,” “I don’t like you like that,” or “I just like you as a friend,” can be music to a guy’s ears. While some girls are afraid to be “straight up” because they don’t want to hurt a guy’s feelings, they don’t realize that leading a guy on indirectly or directly is more painful due to the false hope that results from this inaction. If every girl had the mentality of not wanting to hurt a guy, APU would become a prison of false hope.
As Bane said in The Dark Knight Rises, “There’s a reason why this prison is the worst hell on earth…hope. Every man who has ventured here over the centuries has looked up to the light and imagined climbing to freedom (or in our case finding “the one”)…I learned here that there can be no true despair without hope.” While I may have lost some credibility with the Batman quote I think my point is still valid. Remember, girls are the feelers, not the guys. Female APU students should do well to be straight up with dudes, avoid the flirty-ness, and dudes should respect them when they do.
At APU, girls sometimes place guys on too high of a pedestal. Guys should be expected to lead, but lead realistically. Remember: WE ARE IN COLLEGE. In other words, everyone is trying to figure out who they are together ergo everyone is on an even plane and should not be held to any unrealistic standards. Girls should look for confident guys, but not the ones who brag and boast. It would be nice if girls paid more attention to the guys who do little things to go the extra mile and serve without letting others know about it.
An anonymous senior begs the question, “Why can’t girls see where guys invest their hearts rather than what they see on the outside, whether it’s physicality or hipster white boy swag clothes?” Confidence is not the same as boasting. It is not in the nature of real Christian men to boast in themselves, but it is easy for them to boast in Christ. Finally, APU girls need to realize that they don’t always come first for guys. Yes, of course—God should be numero uno. However, girls should not even be numero dos for a guy. It is unhealthy for girls to have first priority in the male college mindset at APU or anywhere. Girls should absolutely take the time to get to know a guy first in an appropriate “straight up” friend way regardless of whether or not they find them attractive before they make judgments.
For all the single men out there who have been ready to escape from the prison cell for what seems like a while, keep your head up! True hope is found in this: College is not the end, but the beginning. Rid yourselves of the warped “ring by spring” mentality and instead clothe yourselves with the truth that God ultimately has your back. Just keep on obeying and serving Him.
As a Christian, obeying God is simply what you are supposed to do. Take life as it comes, but do not think for a second that your time at APU is bigger than God and that now is all the time you have—this one guy who is pretty well-known at APU once said it better in Matthew 6:33-34.